I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
