Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
