Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I party with great urgency now.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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