saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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