dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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