I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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