He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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