the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
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1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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