just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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