you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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