Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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