pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
