I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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