I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
