Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
