Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
