His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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