I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
