woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
