im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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