Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
