ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize