doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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