I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
We're like a lot better than the average bears
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
There r osticjed everywhere
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Randomize
