I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
