I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
