You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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