i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
