This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Randomize
