I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
