just tell him i said nine months
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
