lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
