I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
