Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
