how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
