It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
