watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
