Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
