Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
