I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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