just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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