that's an acceptable place to lick
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
