Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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