it was like his penis was on wheels.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
