I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize