once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i think my cat just said my name.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
