If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Randomize
