On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
