if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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