he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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