Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize