I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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