My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
