the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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