saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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