He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
