Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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