Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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