yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
No subtext here. People are naked.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
