How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
