he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
