it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
