question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
