I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
